For those who’ve watched the new movie "New York", life in the US initially felt the same: "Arrested". Though America didn't detain me from the airport....... actually they did not give any wings to fly either.
I was stripped of the very rights that defined my existence:
a) right to work with any employer and earn my living,
b) right to vote and make a difference to the life around me,
c) right to study while I am in job to challenge the fast paced market,
d) and right to LOVE....
My wings were officially clipped. It what was supposed to be a honeymoon seemed pretty much like a nightmare initially. My house of cards was tumbling.
Everything began to seem unreal... purposeless.... a sham. The whole thing a lie. The way I lived. The fake smiles... the whole charade.
Sometimes I woke up... some part of me woke up and looked around, not understanding anything. How did I get here? Who's stuff is this? Why do I live like this?
The days disappear sometimes. Sometimes too fast... sometimes too painfully slow.
But the first rule of survival as they say is adaptation. And that is where my life began. I met new people, networked. Not exactly the plan I had for my career, but it was a start. At least I was learning the norms and rules of this new country.
I got my driver’s license after failing 2 times in written exam ;). Getting my own car and being able to go from one place to another was really like being born again. Also I learned to cook, do my own laundry, and do the grocery. Funnily being able to do these inane chores on my own makes me feel more independent and in control of my life.
Chanakya shares his observation of how a lion, once it sets eye on its prey, chases it rapidly, holds it tight in its paw and doesn't release the grip till the prey is dead. I applied this theory to my everyday life. Chanakya said, focusing on your work, not caring about other stuff and I assure you success.
In India I had everything: a caring family, an electric group of friends and rightful citizenship. But I lacked the ability to value what I had. And value for my homeland is the biggest gift America has given me. Well, I don't know how it slipped away there. But thinking back I can't remember a time when I realized that it was absent. I can recall a few times of claiming that I had lost my inspiration.
With all these chaos in India, why do I go back?
My reply is simple: Perhaps when I go back, it won't seem so chaotic anymore.
Finally when I do the math of what I have lost and what I have gained. This is a simple thought of my complex mind.... no no..... this is complex thought of my simple mind. I am Encage or have wings to fly.
Nirnay
nirnay@techvalens.com
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